Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
