I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
