Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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