We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's the barista slut.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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