just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
