please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
