the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize