I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
