I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
