So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize