Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
