just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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