dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
