these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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