no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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