I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
