thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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