Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
