I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
