Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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