Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
