why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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