Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
