i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
operation harelip BJ is a go
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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