I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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