I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
