distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
