I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
