I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
