omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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