do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i drank out of a bidet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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