Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
