how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
