It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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