Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
