a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
