tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
