Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
