he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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