I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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