oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
