I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
nutella sex= disaster
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
