I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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