She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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