he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The adults are the big ones right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
