My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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