I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
