Banned from zoo.
Again?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize