I cannot find my penis.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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