No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
