so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
