ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
