Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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