He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
