Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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