My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is that strawberry winking at me??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
