you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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