Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
