It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
