I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
