My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
