apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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