So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
