He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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