i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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