I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
